Why Intuitive Eating Feels Chaotic at First (And How it Gets Better)

Have you heard about the concept of “intuitive eating” but it sounds too scary/messy/chaotic/unhealthy? Read on.

What is Intuitive eating? (And What it is not.)

Since I have other blogs that go more in depth to what intuitive eating is (like this one), I will just do a quick overview here.

What intuitive eating is:

• listening to your body’s internal cues to guide eating habits (ie hunger, fullness, cravings, etc)

• working in collaboration with your body and needs based on the situation

What intuitive eating is not:

• a hunger fullness diet (ie only eating when hungry and only stopping eating when you are full)

• going 100% of of internal cues (ie only eating if hungry and not based on timing, or only eating what you are craving vs what may be needed)

• a place that you “arrive” to (ie. I am doing intuitive eating right or I am not)

How intuitive eating can look and feel at first

When people first hear the concept of intuitive eating it can sound really scary and chaotic, maybe even feeling that you can either have health, or you can do intuitive eating (IE). When we think about intuitive eating in the context of diet culture framework being the predominant way we relate to food and our body, all these thoughts about IE make sense.

Additionally, if we continue looking through the lens of diet culture, it can seem like IE is asking you to be a hungry toddler loose in a candy shop. In this instance the toddler “listening to their body” might mean shoving as much candy into their mouth as quickly as possible and then feeling sick. I am not going to say this will never happen when you start IE. Because of the relationship with food that people are often starting with (scarcity, shame, etc) then there may be times that feel like this. But this is not the end goal of IE, and that would merely be a step in the process, not the inevitable outcome.

IE feels scary because when we are told more control is the only way we can eat in a way that feels healthy and “normal”, it sounds like IE is telling you to have less control. Which in your experience very may well have led to the toddler-in-a-candy-shop feelings I described above.

In a way yes, intuitive eating is asking you to loosen the control, however that does not mean you are left with chaos and no structure. What IE is working to do is replacing control with agency and choice - two much more powerful and maintainable tools than the illusion of total control.

What intuitive eating can look like in maintenance

To give a picture of what I mean, let’s look at IE not as a place of “arrival” but as as an ongoing learning and practice.

Looking back to the example above of the hungry toddler, but from an intuitive eating perspective. Picture first feeling like a hungry adult entering a candy store. Some examples of grounded adult IE thoughts are: “I am so hungry that all of this candy looks so good. But I know that I am actually hungry for a meal so I am going to get some candy, but for after I have lunch. Therefore my body gets the nourishing meal it needs and I am not trying to make a meal out of candy. I can enjoy the candy after lunch from a place of peace and checking in when I am satisfied. I will feel comfortable, full, nourished, full of agency and not sick to my stomach.”

Diet culture talks to us like our bodies are that uncontrollable toddler but actually, having a relationship with our body can feel like the adults that we are. I could go on and on about all of the examples for outcomes and nuance in this situation but overall the message is this: with intuitive eating your approach to food would change into agency, choice and collaboration with your body. No two situations might look the same, and that is completely fine because in IE there is no black and white, right or wrong, all or nothing so any choice you make is okay. Again, when you are recognized as an adult with agency and choice, you can feel empowered about your relationship with food, hunger and cravings rather than at the whim of its chaos.

Why Intuitive eating feels like the scariest thing you can do

Even if the above example sounds nice in theory, moving away from all or nothing and black and white thinking can still sound incredibly scary. What do you mean there isn’t a simple right or wrong choice?? This is why diets and diet culture feels so contained, straightforward and safe. If you eat in this exact way in this exact amount your will achieve eveything that you want (ie. perfection). The reason why this inevitably breaks down is because one, perfection does not exist and two, life is never the same so it actually gets really exhausting to try to maintain such a rigid structure.

When it is all or nothing and black and white every time you try to make a decision that feels the best for the moment but “breaks” the diet rules you feel like you are failing, slipping or that you can’t trust yourself. For example, people will often incorporate “cheat days'“ into their diets. Which probably works for a time. But what happens when you need two cheat days in a week in order to celebrate two birthday parties? Or what happens when you go on vacation for two weeks? Or what happens when life gets so stressful that you feel like you don’t have the capacity to maintain the rigidity? This is where the shame of failure informs you of what you are capable of and what your relationship with food is.‍ ‍But this is all a false equation and an equation that is set up to not empower you, but leave you feeling weak, defeated and undisciplined.

End note

I don’t have an exact answer of how you as an individual can get of out of that pattern and equation, but just that it is entirely possible. The guidance I can provide is to explore intuitive eating, even if that feels like it would be the last thing on earth that would help you.

Also, what I can promise is that life can get so much better when you get out of this pattern. You can feel in the driver’s seat of your relationship with food and your body. You can feel like you can just as easily say yes or no to foods. You can have fun, joyful and exciting experiences with food and that does not feel chaotic. It actually feels just that - full of joy and peace.

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If this sparked something in you and you would like to learn more about intuitive eating I have a workbook here that is great for starting that journey.

If you feel like you would like more personalize support I also offer counseling sessions here.